I’ve walked through many dark seasons in life where I didn’t understand what was happening to me, where I was headed, or what the outcome would be….but I had a deep faith - an inner knowing - that the Lord was with me and somehow he would use this trial to draw me closer to Himself.
Last week I had a HUGE FAITH TEST when our beautiful fluffy and snuggly kitten was injured, hiding and in pain. We noticed something wrong with her mouth one afternoon and it looked bad. Her tongue and face swollen, black marks on tongue and she fled into hiding under the bed. I thought of every possible thing that could have happened from licking her flea/tick meds to a snake bite.
I didn’t know what to do or what happened so we prayed as a family and I immediately began to fast for this kitten to be healed. We didn’t have a lot of extra money to help her so for 2 days we watched, prayed and fasted for her well-being to be returned. I prayed and cried out for a miracle because I truly love this cat and she was not looking good.
The second evening after talking with a friend and feeling completely undone and an urgency in my heart I took her to the emergency vet. I was hoping they could give her some antibiotics and tell me what was happening so we could get her help and pain relief.
But the report was bad news….she had a severe electrical burn in her mouth over half her tongue was gone, black and infected. Her tongue was not viable (dead) and likely could not be saved. The doctor literally said the most humane thing we could do was put her down 😭😭😭 NO.
It was 3am, my heart was broken, my son was sad and grieving and I was emotional and exhausted. I didn’t have a word from God that he wanted to heal this cat and the only thing I could think of was that she would never be able to eat or drink again. She would slowly suffer and die. We decided to put her down and let her go be with Jesus in heaven. It was awful
I felt so much heartbreak, grief and honestly shame for having to put her down. I did not have faith to see her healed or to raise her from the dead. My faith is weak and was totally taken from me by the report of the vet. Now I know in the natural there was nothing we could do and mercy was the best option….but this deep nagging thought kept creeping into my heart…. that I had robbed God of a miracle 😭 That I should have waiting until the 3rd day like I had faith for originally 😭 that we should have brought her home and let the others say goodbye 😭 All the what ifs that don’t change anything. I’ll never know if I missed a miracle, but I miss our Spade ♠️ 🐈 everyday.
From this experience I’ve resolved to deepen and strengthen my faith in Jesus everyday. So that miracles, healing and power are normal in my life. I’m not there yet… but this dark night of the soul taught me 3 important lessons:
Lean not on my own understanding, sight or emotions. In all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my path.
Ask God to use the situation to draw me closer to Him no matter the outcome.
Watch my words because they have power. My cats tongue got electrocuted and was “dead”. How did this even happen?
As I sat by her grave and repented for all the ways I’ve used my tongue/words flippantly I was grieved that my lack of understanding and lack of faith were my own responsibility to recover and sort out. What happens when it’s my kid or a loved one in major pain with a bad outlook? Will I arise in faith, or respond with my natural senses.
Faith in a Night Season is not easy, it’s actually quite costly …but it deepens our love and resolve to know Him more. Like Job said, “though you slay me, I will trust you.”
I miss my Spadie baby, and hope to see her spirit walking around this cove someday. I can’t wait to snuggle her again when I make my way back Home to Heaven where she’s waiting for us. ❤️
Read Aloud: Faith in the Night Seasons